


Passing Shadows

by Oh_Toasty



Series: Clearing out the Hard-drive: Finishing Old Works [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: BAMF Sigyn, BAMF Tony Stark, Bad Frigga, F/M, M/M, Marriage, Recovering Memories, Reincarnation, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony is Sigyn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-15
Updated: 2019-02-15
Packaged: 2019-10-29 06:16:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17802605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oh_Toasty/pseuds/Oh_Toasty
Summary: And only the enlightened can recall their former lives; for the rest of us, the memories of past existences are but glints of light, twinges of longing, passing shadows, disturbingly familiar, that are gone before they can be grasped, like the passage of that silver bird on Dhaulagiri.-Peter Matthiessen~~~Loki once had Sigyn. Tony was once Sigyn.





	Passing Shadows

Tony can't help the incredible fondness he feels when he sees Loki. Even during their first meet meeting when he aims a repulsor at the other face and bids him to stand down, Tony is happy to see him (and if there's a flash of _bittersweethappypain_ in the back of his mind where his other memories can sometimes be found, it doesn't matter).

When Thor takes Loki, the rage that consumes Tony is not that one would feel at the theft of an asset. It's something deeper, more primal and Tony can see in the back of his mind the glint of a dagger flipping through the air. He banishes thought as he has done with the stray ideas that have run rampant for the majority of his life.

“Don't touch my things,” Tony tells Thor and it is only later as he rethinks the battle that he wonders why he considers Loki his ( _mine_ , the other memories whisper).

Even as Tony works with Bruce searching for the tesseract ( _space_ _stone_ ), he thinks about Loki. He knows the god won't stay put long ( _cages_ _never_ _could_ _hold_ _him_ ), but he can't explain how and has no way to warn Fury without drawing suspicion to himself. He can't afford to do that now after more than four decades of hiding what's happening in his head.

Then their ship is attacked and Tony can't help his small smile, he'd known Loki would act soon. But the engines are out and he needs to go help rather than focus on Loki ( _find_ _Loki_ ). Soon though, the helicarrier is fixed and Tony is finally allowed to focus on Loki.

“Loki's like me,” ( _Made_ _for_ _me_ , the voice whispers and Tony recalls a memory he regained at the age of thirteen: her hand wrapped in delicate golden cloth as she looked at the love of her life and made her vows). Tony carries on speaking to Rogers, well adjusted to ignoring his memories as her. “He wants a parade, a monument with his name on it.” Then it clicks and, internally, he laughs (Loki always has liked a practical joke). “Son of a bitch”.

Tony is the first to arrive at his Tower and he doesn't know what to say. Loki is the bad guy here ( _Loki_ _is_ _mine_ ), but Tony can't simply ignore the thousands of years of memories he harbors. Memories that tell him how kind and gentle and wonderful Loki is, what a wonderful husband he was.

“Have you come to appeal to my humanity?” Loki asks.

Tony shakes his head, “Actually, I’m here to threaten you”.

Time moves slowly and, before he knows it, Loki is tapping the scepter against his chest. Tony can't help the rage that flows through him (he promised we would be equals; never to try and control each other ).

It does not work, not even the mind stone can break marriage vows blessed by the Norns and imbued with the magic of the of gods. Tony wants to laugh (even now, with Loki controlled by another and me in my second life, our marriage holds strong).

“This usually works,” Loki says bringing the scepter down once more (he almost sounds like his old self).

“Come now Ástir, you're not quite old enough to be having performance issues”.

Loki grabs him by the front of his shirt, hoisting him into the air.

“What did you just call me?” He growls. “Where did you hear that?”

“I don’t know,” Tony lies (He remembers calling Loki Ástir for the first time, how her then lover’s eyes had glowed in happiness and he had taken her hands into his and peppered them with kisses). He wants to tell the truth, but he knows it will be poorly received.

Loki throws him out of his own tower, and Tony feels a rage he’s never felt before. It bubbles within him, and it almost feels as though, if he had the time, he could reach within and shape his rage into a power like nothing he’s ever before seen (She is young when her Seidr manifests, merely a few centuries old. She can’t find his favorite practice battle ax, and a rage like no other mounts inside of her. She knows not why she’s so angry, but she is. She screams, and it all comes pouring out, streaks of pure, golden power destroy her room. The earth shakes and then suddenly she feels fine and the magic stops).

Tony’s suit catches him, and he rises back into the air feeling as though he could take on anything. He has fought worse than Loki, if not in this life than in the last, and he is more than equipped to stop Loki, especially when he is already fighting his orders.

He fires one single blast at Loki, knocking his across the room, and ignores the golden sheen that could be seen within the blue of the repulsor. He doesn’t want to embrace his other memories more than he has too. He’ll take advantage of them just enough to fight Loki, then he’ll repress them again (he doesn’t acknowledge the fact that he may not be able to do so now that he has proof that his memories could be real, now that he’s seen Loki suffering).

Fighting aliens serves as a wonderful distraction, especially since his repulsors have returned to normal and he isn’t forced to look at a cruel reminder of his own confusion.

The nuclear bomb that the council sends in, that’s a better distraction.

“Shall I call Ms. Potts?” Jarvis asks and Tony shakes his head (“What would you like me to tell Loki?” Frigga had asked her as she was dragged down to the dungeons.

She had looked at her mother-in-law in distaste, “The truth Frigga.”)

“No, but record a message for me and, provided I don’t make it back, ensure that it will reach Loki and only him.”

“Very well, sir. Beginning recording now.”

“Ástir,” Tony begins, before delving into the other part of his mind and allowing the language of the gods to pour forth. “Goodbye, I am sorry that in this life we could not reunite, and more sorry still that I failed to inform you the truth once again. When I disappeared last, it was the will of your parents. Do not trust them Loki, never again.”

Then he is swallowed up by the portal, and everything goes black.

 

( “My Lord,” She had greeted him, bowing low. She ignored the elder of the two, knowing that it would irk him.

The younger prince of Asgard’s lips had twitched while the elders hands had balled into a fist, and she had known she had made the right decision.

“My Lady Sigyn,” Loki had replied and his eyes were alight with mischief. “What brings you to Asgard?”

“My father has sent me to study seidr underneath Queen Frigga.”

“Well then, I suppose I shall be seeing a lot of you.”)

Tony wakes up with the roar of the hulk still echoing in his ears, “Please tell me nobody kissed me!”

(Only one man deserves that right, the voice hisses In his head.)

He babbles on about shawarma, some small part of him hoping that it will give Loki the time he needs to get away. He won’t actively interfere in his once husband’s escape, but he’s compromised enough to hope it occurs.

He hates himself for it, even as he wonders if it isn’t only fair for millennia of love to outweigh decades of duty.

Tony can't help but feel a sense of dread as he follows Thor through the air towards his penthouse where Hulk had left Loki. He can feel something in the air, something almost  
magnetic in nature, and he knows that Loki has not escaped.

(“Your Seidr, " she had gasped as she reached her hands into the air. "I can feel it in the air.”

"What?" Loki’s face had gone ashen. “That should be impossible.”

Her brow had arched, “Obviously not, as I can feel it. How could anyone with any affinity for Seidr miss it any way, its so strong?”

"We need to go see my mother.”)

" Loki," Thor's voice boomed throughout the room as they find his brother sprawled across his penthouse floor. There is no response, and so they await the arrival of the rest of their  
team.

Loki finally awokes with the whole of the Avengers gathered around him with weapons pointed at him. He smiles faintly and Tony knows that he is the only one who can detect his former husband's approval at being stopped.

"I think I’d like that drink now,” Loki says and Tony's laugh is loud and clear.

He gets Loki his drink even as Thor cuffs him. Then, once the elder of the Odinsons has stepped away, he puts the cup to Loki's lips and leans in.

"Who was in control of you?”

Loki swallows his drink and leans back, his eyes wide. “Who are you? You Know to much to be a mortal.”  
Tony can’t help his bitter laughter "Trust me. I am most definitely mortal.”

("You can’t keep me here forever, Frigga. No doubt Loki has already begun to seek me out.”

“Yes,” Frigga admits. “But he’s looking for a body, after the cruel frost giants ripped you apart for stealing from their library. A rather believable tale if I do say so myself, after all, you are known for your mischief.”)

“Everything okay over here?” Captain Rogers asks as he approaches.

 

Tony allows himself to access the skills from his other life, hiding his emotions away as he had once been forced to learn. He nods regally.

“We are doing fine, Captain Rogers. I was simply inquiring about Loki’s motives.”

(Don’t tell the truth, the voice in his head warns. He’s not trustworthy.)

Despite his fear of his past, Tony is well aware that the voice in his head is generally correct. The instincts he’s inherited from his life as Sigyn are sharp, and there’s no reason to ignore it.

Tony can feel Loki’s eyes on him, but he ignores it all. No doubt the man is calculating, adding in his distrust of Rogers into whichever equation he is running.

“Get anything out of him?” Rogers asks, and Tony shakes his head.

“No, not yet. A shame Thor has to take him back to Asgard, we could use his knowledge.”

Rogers hums noncommittally, and Tony waits for him to leave before turning back to Loki.

“Loki, you’ll only make things worse for yourself if you don’t tell me who was in control of you. I’m telling you now, your parents won’t care during your trial. They only care about themselves.”

Loki snarls. “They aren’t my parents.”

(She had been sitting in the library of Jotunheim, flipping through the Book of Royal Lineage when she finds the name of Laufey’s missing son. Loptr.

She almost flipped past it, more interested in the past than recent history, but a photo of the young prince catches her eye. The child in the image was beaming at the camera, a rarity for children that young, but what really catches her eye was that the child’s right hand grasps his left foot and visa versa.

The only other time she’d seen the same was in Loki’s baby photos.

Suddenly, a sense of urgency had struck her as her mind began to race. The time lines matched, between when Loki had been born and Loptr had disappeared.

She had to tell Loki.)

“No,” Tony agrees quietly as he watches Thor lead Loki away. “They aren’t.”

They see Loki off in a park, and Tony quiets the scramimg in the back of his head. There’s nothing he can do to help Loki, not after he had invaded the world Tony lived in.

He wonders if there is anything he can do all the same.

After the invasion, the memories return to him frequently and in groups. There are still gaps, but Tony remembered getting to know Loki, their engagement, and marriage. He can recall going to Asgard, learning all she could from Frigga and then gaining permission to study in Jotunheim. He remembers discovering Loki’s heritage, asking Frigga for the truth before she went to Loki, Frigga’s betrayal and her subsequent imprisonment.

Time passes, and Tony does his best to avoid the Avengers as a whole. He goes on missions with them when necessary, but being married to Loki for so long gave him his own grasp over lies, and he’s incapable of spending much time among his teammates without counting the lies falling from their lips, which causes a discomfort of its own.

He doesn’t know exactly what is coming, but he knows nonetheless that it approaches, and Tony does his best to prepare the world for the coming attack.

“We, as a people, need to prepare.” Tony cautions during one of many press conferences. “And I don’t just mean Americans, I mean the people of the earth. We have seen the help and care that aliens can bring, but we have also seen the pain and destruction. Now, with the last of New York only just rebuilt, is not the time to forget. Now, is the time to stand together and prepare for the future. We know what is out there now, but they also know that we are here.”

He picks a reporter at random.

“Do you think we should fear what’s out there; that there’s more coming than just Loki?”

(“Are you afraid?” Frigga asked

“Of what you’ll do to me? Never.”

“You should be.”

She had shaken her head. “You’ve already taken everything from me, what’s left to fear?”

“The punishment for escaping the dungeons is death,” Frigga reminded her.

“I don’t fear death,” she proclaimed. “But you should fear me, I’ll never forgive you for what you’ve done, and, for so long as I live, I’ll be trying to tell Loki the truth of who he is.”

“I suppose it’s good that you won’t live long. Guards, bring the executioner down here. We can’t afford a public spectacle.”)

“More threats to the Earth than Loki? Certainly. In fact, I think Loki was the least of our problems.”

Thor is the first to broach the topic his press conferences, no doubt curious about the reasoning behind encouraging a fear of aliens.

“Let him in,” Tony instructs Jarvis even as he builds what he affectionately thinks of as the Iron Legion.

“Friend Tony,” Thor greets him.

“Prince Thor,” though his formal words are contracted by his refusal to stand and greet his guest.

“I have questions for you.”

“Indeed,” Tony smirks. “I may even have answers.”

“I must ask you about these conferences of press you insist upon giving. Why do you encourage your people to continue looking into the sky? Do you not realize that Midgard is under the protection of Asgard?”

Tony frowns, “And why should we trust Asgard? Sure, they sent you down to help us out, but they also sent the destroyer. They don’t care about Earth, and I don’t blame them for that, why would they? I just don’t want to put my fate in the hands of indifferent royalty.”

“Indifferent? You are wrong, Man of Iron. My parents care deeply for the people of each realm.”

“Really,” Tony asks raising his brows. “So you weren’t sent here as a punishment, to live on a backwards planet? You weren’t raised to hate Jotuns, just because of a war that was already fought and won? Admit it Thor, Asgard has the same issues as everyone else, and so do you: nobody knows their parents as well as they claim, and you most certainly do not.”

“Hold your tongue.” Thor snaps.

It’s a sort of last straw for Tony who rises to his feet. He may be shorter than Thor by a significant amount, but he will not be cowed by him (she can take him in a fight). He is an arrogant hothead, whereas Tony is a man who has proven himself over and over against opponents he feared far more (she has fought and died for a cause once before and is not scared to do so again).

“Do not speak to me as such,” Tony replies though in the moment he feels more like the Sigyn of old. “You may be a prince on Asgard, but here you are a guest in my home and I am more than capable of having you removed.”

(“I am the first-born prince!” Thor had complained. “Why will you not acknowledge me.”

“You have earned nothing from me,” she had replied, eyes burning and fingers sparking. “I owe you nothing, I am a Princess of my own people and I do not answer to you.”

“You are in my home!”

“And you act as if you were a spoilt child!”)

Tony suddenly feels tired. “Everyone’s parents keep secrets Thor, but as royalty yours are sure to have darker ones than most. The question is are you brave enough to seek out answers?”

He wonders if there is a way he can guide Thor towards the topic of his own death. He wants to ask how Loki had fairies after, how his husband had ended up under another’s control, and yet he knows it is hopeless. In the months following the invasion he’s made no progress on that front.

“Tell me Thor, are there no mysteries in Asgard, nothing that always seemed odd to you?”

“No.” Thor replies hard and biting.

Tony sighs. “And there is nothing that once made sense, but the perspective of time has changed for you? No questions raised by new evidence? No? Then I pity you.”

Thor falls silent, and Tony walks away from the other man. He has better things to be doing, and sets to work busying himself with coding. Thor takes the hint and walks away, with Jarvis informing Tony mere moments later that he had gone back home.

(“Heimdall, Heimdall!” She had screamed as she ran towards the Rainbow Bridge. He was all seeing, surely he could have helped her. “Where is Loki?”

His eyes had been dark and almost frightening. “Princess Sigyn, I am afraid I cannot help you. I remain loyal to the crown.”

“Loki is your prince, won’t you help him.”

“Queen Frigga searches for you even now; I am afraid I cannot help you now.”

“Heimdall, please. I do not seek freedom;I will accept my punishment. I only desire that Loki knows the truth.”

“No,” he had declared, and he had brought his sword down toward her.

She had rolled out of the way, fighting back as hard as she could after the weeks of malnutrition and pain in the dungeons. In the end, Heimdall had won out however.)

Tony steps away from his work and calls it a day, all the while thinking back on Heimdall's own twisted form of loyalty to the crown. He wonders if Loki had ever found it out.

His calls for the public to band together continue, and are proven to be logical when the convergence finally occurs and Dark Elves appear in the skies. Thankfully, London has already implemented their alien invasion evacuation system, and even as the Iron Legion join Thor on-site in London, the people of England are fleeing.

Tony finds himself assisting his fellow mortal scientists in setting up different devices around parliament, though he wants nothing more than to go speak with the dark elves.

He wonders if his words would have any effect on them (they may, if they knew who you really were).

When the Dark Elves are gone, and Thor is readying himself to return to Asgard once more, Tony stops him. He knows it may not be the best time, but he has to know.

“What happened with your brother, after you freed him?”

“Loki gave his life for Jane and I. His actions will never be forgotten as they have surely opened the doors to Valhalla.”

Thor continues to talk, but Tony cannot hear him over the rushing in his head. Loki, his Loki is dead. He tries to conjure the happiness he should feel, but after the recovery of the majority of his memories it is impossible. Instead, all he feels is lost.

(“Narfi,” She had sobbed. “He’s gone.”

“I know darling,” Loki had soothed, but she could hear the pain in his voice as well.

She gathered him as close as his bonds would allow, “We must take action now, before they act against Váli as well.”

“Go, Ástir. Save our son. I must not escape lest the punishment worsen.”

She had kissed Loki on the forehead, ignoring the fact that it was smeared with the blood of their son, the same son whose entrails held him down as chains.

“I’ll be back for you.”)

“I’m sorry for your loss,” Tony tells him stiffly as he feels electricity sparking up his spine.

Thor’s brows arch in response, “Are you well friend, you appear a bit pale.”

“Go.” Tony orders. He can feel the same rage building within that he has only felt when Loki threw him from his own tower, in his past life it had meant he would lose control of his magic, but he knows not what it will do in this world.

He isn’t sure he cares.

He falls to his knees though he’s barely coherent by this point. He can’t even tell if Thor is still there. He’s eyes have shut against his will and the pressure in his head is greater than anything he’s ever before felt.

It is not he who speaks, but Sigyn using his body from wherever she lies in the afterlife.

“Bóndi, koma aptr!”

When his vision clears, he is cradled in Thor’s arms and he feels as though he’s just run a marathon. Hes exhausted, and yet he feels refreshed. He no longer feels as though he is two separate people within one body, but rather as though they have merged. His limbs tremble as though he has control over them, and he wants nothing more than to sleep.

(“Sleep, Sigyn.” Loki commanded.

“No. I already left you for to long who knows the damage the venom would do if I took the time to sleep.”

“You saved our son, I could never fault you for leaving me to do so. Besides, who knows the damage you will do to yourself if you do not rest.”

Sigyn shook her head, ignoring the trembling of her tired arms as she holds the bowl over Loki’s eyes to catch the venom the snake dropped down upon them.)

Thor’s eyes are wide as he stares down at Tony. “What was that? What have you done?”

“I don’t, I don’t know.”

“You spoke the language of Asgard.” Thor tells him, but his eyes are guarded. “You called out for your husband.”

Tony closes his eyes once more. He had always know that eventually he would slip up, that someone would get curious about his oddities. He just never suspected that it would be quite so undeniable alien, nor that it would be in front of Thor.

“Tony,” Thor says harshly. “The Seidr within your words ripped apart the veil of magic, every being with even the slightest sensitivity to Seidr use heard them. How did you manage that? Who were you calling for?”

Tony can see in Thor’s eyes that he knows the answer, knows that the news of Loki had triggered his reaction, but the man is not quite sure what to think of it all. He rights himself slowly, crawling out of Thor’s arms.

“I don’t know exactly what happened.” (Truth, the voice in his head whispers.) “I wasn’t expecting that either.”

“Did you know you had Seidr?”

“No.”

And it’s the truth; Tony has never before shown any signs of magic, only Sigyn had.

“Then how-“

Tony cuts him off before he can continue his interrogation.

“Thor, as much as I would love to get to the bottom of this, you need to return to Asgard. Your people have just lost their Prince and, from what Jane says, their Queen. They’ll need you there to support them.”

Thor looks unsure, but Tony flashes him a winning smile. “We can talk about this when you come back, promise.”

“Very well,” Thor agrees. “But you are weak, at least allow me to ensure you get home.”

“I’m good.” Tony tells him, and he calls for his armor. “Jarvis will drive.”

With a solemn nod, Thor steps back and he disappears. Tony sighs heavily, and turns around. He’s prepared to take off back toward New York when his eyes land on the figure about ten feet away.

There, lying on ground, is Loki.

 

Tony rushes towards him, seeking the battleground medical knowledge of his other self and drawing it forth. Sigyn's muscle memories allow him to make quick work of cleaning and wrapping Loki’s wound even as he calls for Jarvis to ready a jet. There’s no way he can carry Loki home in his suit.

He sits there, holding Loki’s hand in some abandoned alley, until Jarvis informs him that the Jet is ready. He regrets his mortality as he lifts Loki; it strains him more than he expects, even with the suit helping him carry him.

“Sigyn.” He hear Loki murmur as he sets him down on a couch. “Is that you?”

(Yes, the voice cries. I am here.)

Tony can’t help himself from pressing a gentle kiss to Loki’s forehead.

(“Ástir, Whatever happened to you?” Sigyn had asked.

Loki had peered out from under the arm he had grown over his eyes and she could catch even more signs of pain. Her normally unrattled husband was coated in bruises.

“The warriors three.” He moaned. “Father ordered me to the training fields where I was forced to practice brawling, no magic allowed.”

Sigyn huffed. “A brawl? Whatever for, it’s hardly a situation you’ll find yourself in.”

“I imagine it’s because Thor is still angered about our little prank last week and mentioned it to Father.”

“Was Thor the one who did this?” Sigyn scowled.

“No, Volstagg.”

Sigyn’s eyes had lit up. “Would you like me to punish him?”

Loki’s lips twitched. “My darling, I would be honored. Besides, it has been much to long since you last used your axes.”

“Indeed,” Sigyn had agreed.

She changed into her battle gear quickly and easily, before making her way to the training fields where, as she had suspected, the warrior three remained.

“Would anyone like to spar?” She had called and they all three offered.

“Volstagg, if you would be so kind.”

“Of course, My Lady. Would you like me to fetch a practice blade?”

“Oh no,” she had smiled. “That won’t be required.”

Then she had lunged, leaping through the air as if her ax weighed nothing.)

Loki wakes only after Tony has him laid out upon a penthouse catch. His wakening is sudden, as is the appearance of knives within his hands.

“Why am I here?” Loki asks, his eyes roaming the room and searching for clues.

“My other option was to leave you bleeding out in the alley I had found you.”

“Half-lie.” Loki says, but his face makes it seem as though the words do not sit well upon his tongue.

Tony nods, fingers drumming on the counter as he assesses how best to break the news to his once-husband.

“Indeed, but I’m unsure of how to tell you the rest. What do you remember?”

“I was stabbed, and then-“ Loki cuts himself off as his face grows serious. “Sigyn! I heard Sigyn.”

“Sigyn is dead.” Tony tells him. “What you heard was her spirit speaking through a reincarnation.”

“A reincarnation?” Loki asks. His eyes are wide and desperate. “Where is she?”

Tony shifts awkwardly from foot to foot.

“Well, she’s me.”

“Prove it.” Loki demands.

“After they killed Narfi, when I left you to the venom of the snake to save Váli, I took him to the forests of Alfheim and left him with Freyr’s mistress.”

Loki blinks once, twice. “Sigyn.”

His voice is hoarse and broken.

“It’s me, Ástir.” Tony assures him as all of the love from his past life comes rushing forth. “It’s me, I’ve just changed a bit.”

“I’ve missed you,” Loki tells him as he draws him close regardless of the fact that he looks nothing like his once wife.

“And I You,” Tony assures him.

They’ll have to deal with the rest of the world, with Loki’s status as a dead criminal and the fact that Tony’s call had likely informed Odin of his continued existence, soon enough, but for now it is enough to just hold one another.


End file.
